Life Coach

Why Self Help Doesn’t Work With Most People

Exposed to ideas from reading self help books, attending seminars, listening to self motivation dvds, etc are useful in helping us to shape our mode of thinking, from unaware to conscious of the wide range of possibilities. These inspiring thoughts encourage us to do things differently, to create big changes we want in our life.  We think that the key in success is to cultivate and doggedly maintain an optimistic outlook (i.e positive thinking at work). We positively fantasise that we have already achieved them.

Unfortunately, most people do not benefits from these techniques that are being expounded by self development coaches or wise thinkers in the past.


We know that negative thoughts would lead us to nowhere except to inaction and disappointment to whatever we wanted to achieve.

Positive Thinking should be the correct approach. Right?

In a 2011 Experimental Social Psychology Study by Gabrielle Oettingen on the subject of Positive Thinking to a range of people, including children and adults,  she found that dreaming about the future calms you down, measurably reducing systolic blood pressure, but also can drain you of the energy you need to take action in pursuit of your goals.

Positive thinking and feeling fool our minds into perceiving that we have already attained our goal and slackening our readiness to pursue it. End result is we went on to accomplish much less than we could have wanted.

Does this mean that we should discard happy talk and “get real” by dwelling on the challenges or obstacles, as some critics have proposed we should do.

Studies have shown that this strategy does not work any better than entertaining positive fantasies.

The real problem is using a ineffective self help strategy.

Model to do something right without first understanding of “What” and “Why” parts.

What is your objective of doing that and why?

A self help technique is like a tool that you could use, to do a certain task. If you do not have a clear task goal and inspiring reason for doing it, you will not achieve much out of it, in a long run.


Take the above mentioned problem with positive thinking:-

What does work better is a hybrid approach that combines positive thinking with “realism”.

Gabrielle Oettingen explains how it will work – Think of a wish. For a few minutes, imagine the wish coming true, letting your mind wander and drift where it will. then shift gears. Spend a few more minutes imagining the obstacles that stand in the way of realising your wish.

She and her colleagues call this “mental contrasting”.  It has produced powerful results in laboratory experiments with this strategy.


Achieve Success In Your Undertaking

1)Define your  situation/problem  that need to be solved. Make sure you invest enough time and effort to define it concisely. This will ensure that you focus on the “real” problem in hand. It is better to have it written done on paper, in the form of  a problem statement, for ease of reference. A well defined problem is a problem half solved!

2) Your mental state. You should maintain a positive mental attitude, a “Winner” mindset throughout your pursuit in achieving success in your undertaking.

3) Your Desired Outcome. What you want to achieve at the end of your pursuits, the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Realistic Time Based) Goals.

4) What You Could Do. What are the things that you could do by your own effort. Know Thyself, use SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) Technique.

5) What Other People Help You Need. Outside help you need to achieve your goals. Seek up and get support on this as soon as  possible.

6) Visualize Achieving Your Goals. Mentally rehearse every facet and feeling in your  pursuit, to obtain your desired outcome. This exercise if done it on a daily basis, will improve your chance of attaining your goals even much faster and easier.

7) Take Action. All the well-thought through plan will not help you if you have never get it started and get it going until completion.  Have a PDCA (Plan Do Check Action) Cycle work plan, to keep you on track. Monitor Progress and made the necessary adjustments, but do not lose sight of your final destination/goal. Success is more assured this way.


One-to-One Individual, Personalized Coaching For You

Public Class are not for everyone!

If you would rather learn one on one with a personal coach, by your side, as you begin to explore areas that need improvement, then you are in the right place.

It may need anywhere from 4+ hours. We can arrange for multiple sessions for you.  This offer is currently applicable to Singapore Residents only.

Simply contact Reuben at +65 96431052 or email to us at, and let us know what you want to learn, and when.

This personalized, customized approach may work for many busy executives, CEOs and people in a hurry to just learn what they want, and be able to ask questions on the spot to solve any burning questions.

We charge on an hourly basis for such 1-1 trainings, with a minimum number of hours required to begin the engagement.

Hope this will be of immense use to you!


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If you want any additional information of the Self Help Management System, please contact our company at phone no +65 96431052 for a Free first appointment consultation or email us at

We will be delighted to be of service to you.



Reuben H C Ong (a.k.a Reubeno)

Success Management Systems (SMS) Facilitator