Self Esteem And Self Confidence Are Not The Same Thing

Selfconfidence

In conversation, most people use the term self-esteem and self-confidence interchangeably without much thought about it, but they’re not the same thing.


Self-esteem is defined as the confidence in one’s own worth or abilities and self-respect. It refers to how we feel about ourselves; how much we like or love ourselves and the overall image we have about who we are. It could be positive or negative in feeling. Our self-esteem took shape from past experiences during our growing up years. Main influencers were our family members, our schooling peers and community groups we associated with.

For example, a public personality like a film star or acclaimed singer, adored by million of fans can still has a low self-esteem. In that person’s quiet moment, he may feel he is an imposter, his life is empty and his life has no meaning.

Some warning signs of a person lacking in self-esteem can be the following

  • He bases his self-worth on what other’s thinking about him and how they behave towards him during human interaction.
  • He gives excuse for any misstep and fearful of accepting responsibility of any mistake being made by him or his subordinates. He feels the mistake diminishes himself.
  • He looks down on or tries to put down another person, revealing his own insecurities and low self worth.

Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement. It is related to how we feel about our abilities and how capable we see ourselves of doing certain things or handling things in a variety of situations. The level of self-confidence in doing or handling something can vary from situation to situation.

For example, you are fearful of giving a speech in front of a public audience but you feel no anxiety in social situation, eg. conversing with your own friends. Your self-confidence level varies due to your belief in how well you could do it.

Some warning signs of a person lacking in self confidence can be the following

  • He finds himself unable to sit still or feeling uncomfortable in any social situation where he has little or no friends.
  • He gives up his goals and dreams easily when he stumbles upon any roadblock or difficult task.
  • He displays a low body posture: he does not stand tall and his chest up, but instead he has let his body slouched downwards, sending the message that he is not proud of himself.

Having a healthy level of self esteem and self-confidence can help a person becomes more successful in his personal and professional life.

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”  –Thich Nhat Hanh

Whether you have low self esteem or lack of self-confidence to do something right, the solution starts with self awareness and take responsibility of owning and overcoming your weaknesses.

If it is a skill that you lack competency, let say public speaking for example. Practice facing your fear of public speaking that stem from your lack of self-confidence. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare or practice, of course. If you have a big speech coming up, practice in front a mirror, in front of someone who supports you so that you could gain some confidence.

If it is the negative self-talk in your own mind, the best way to deal with it is by challenging those statements, with positive ones. One way you can overcome such thinking is to create a chart that lists in one column all your “worst cases.” In another column, write down what is most likely to occur. “I’ll forget everything I’m supposed to say” will realistically become “I’ll share this valuable information I have on this topic” or something similar.

Researchers found that people who compared themselves to others, experienced envy. And the more envy they experienced, the worse they felt about themselves. It can be a vicious cycle. So, stop comparing yourself with others. Instead, always set your own standard. Ask yourself, “Everyday and in every way, I’m getting better and better” (Quote from Emile Coue).

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail or experience a setback. Speaking to yourself harshly, won’t motivate you to do better. In fact, studies have shown that it tends to have the opposite effect. Be kind to yourself and accept you have faults. Concentrate on positive actions to become better each day instead.

Knowing the above is not good enough. The real benefit only comes if you take positive action!

Every day, you take baby-steps to have positive mindset and to build your self confidence of  things you want to do better!

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